Greta Thunberg next to an exploding planet Earth

RUNNING OUT OF TIME: If We Don’t Stop Climate Change NOW We Will See Continued Rise Of Greta Thunberg

ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, IL— Experts from the Heartland Institute, a prominent conservative think tank, delivered a dire warning at a press conference this morning, stating that if we do not take drastic action to prevent ongoing climate change, we will be subject to the continued rise of Greta Thunberg.

“The data is clear. Hurricanes, widespread drought, desertification and famine have all been directly linked to increases in Greta Thunberg’s social media presence,” said Michael McCracken, a spokesman for the institute. He continued, “After just a one inch rise in sea levels, Thunberg’s follower count across social media platforms jumped by 300 percent. Our data models predict that with each additional inch, the situation will worsen exponentially, quickly becoming irreversible.”

The Heartland Institute recommends immediate large-scale investment into alternative energy sources and climate change initiatives to halt the rise of Thunberg before it’s too late. McCracken wrapped up the press conference with a warning that, “Unless you want to hear Greta Thunberg say ‘I told you so’ as natural disasters increase in both frequency and magnitude, it’s time to take out your wallets.”

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