black and white image of Abraham Lincoln with an American flag covered in math in the background

Abraham Lincoln Was A Republican And Other Mathematical Proofs The GOP Isn’t Racist

MINNEAPOLIS, MN— In 2019, a college professor was fired simply for airing his unsolicited opinions on race in the classroom. Mathematics professor Dr. Aidan Thompson was let go after nearly every student in Calc. II complained about his “rants” and habit of having all exam questions be related to black-on-black crime. But on his way out the door he asked himself one simple question: “As a life-long member of the party of Abraham Lincoln, is it even possible for me to be racist?”

In the opening of his ground-breaking paper, published in Publications Mathématiques and excerpted below, the professor takes the reader on a journey through his thought process at the time:

Me, a racist? I’m a member of the Republican Party for Christ’s sake! The party of Lincoln not only has white people with black friends, it has actual black people in it. I knew the liberal school board wouldn’t listen to semantic logic, so it was time to work out the actual math.”

Two years later Dr. Thompson was able to confirm his hypothesis and once and for all prove that because Abraham Lincoln was a Republican, it is mathematically impossible for a member of the GOP to be racist.

If you’re a Republican who has been falsely accused of racism, you can find Dr. Thompson’s elegant proof below:

Where A = Abraham Lincoln, R = Republican, Ra = Racist, I = me

A = R
A ≠ Ra
R ≠ Ra
I = R
I ≠ Ra