Mike and Karen Pence getting off a plane holding hands

A PERFECT GENTLEMAN: Mike Pence Always Whispers When Saying The Word “Vagina”

INDIANAPOLIS, IN— Mike Pence gained his reputation as America’s gentleman after four years of constant newsflow highlighting his respect towards women.

During his tenure as Vice President, America learned that Pence won’t eat alone with a woman to protect himself from seduction attempts out of respect for his wife. We learned that he cares so deeply about women’s bodies that he’ll make legislative decisions when it comes to what they’re allowed to do with them. And now we’re learning that, in the ultimate act of gentleness, he refuses to utter the word “vagina” in anything louder than a quiet whisper. 

“He says it so softly you can barely even hear it,” said Dr. Charlotte Abbot, the OB/GYN who delivered Pence’s three children. She smiled nostalgically and continued, “It’s really more of a whimper than a whisper. It’s the way I’d imagine someone like Justice Scalia or Newt Gingrich would say it.”

Reports are coming in that even when speaking to his wife in the privacy of their own home, he often whispers the word so softly that all she can hear is, “ew I can see your.”

Mike Pence has denied multiple requests for comment.